Saturday, December 28, 2013

A Celebratory Carnival Part 2

The year has almost come to its end, and I find myself somewhat short of time to share with you all my grand plans. So here I sit, cramming in this post while I'm being shouted at to hurry up, writing this.

See, I'm actually off on yet another adventure this morning for the next eight days with little to no Internet connection (just how I like it on these occasions); four days in Cintsa, a gorgeous beach-y town at the coast, and then four more in Hogsback. I am doubly excited about Hogsback, see, because the last time I was there I was 12, and I have been fighting to go back ever since. I found it absolutely magical and entrancing. 

Most of you may not know this, but J.R.R Tolkien actually based the setting of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit on Hogsback, where he spent many childhood holidays. Yep, for those who don't know, Tolkien was born and bred in good old Bloemfontein, South Africa.

But back to the point, my grand plans. I have spent the last few weeks since my grade 11 year came to an end in deep thought and reflection. My holidays are usually a time of self-nourishment, and recovery considering how hard I push during exam time. I rest, read, write, watch good movies, eat well, exercise, spend time with family and friends, but my off-time is also a treasured period in which I formulate plans and am in a space of greater self-growth, learning and insight. 

The end of 2013 has come and I find myself in this space, but before I share the fruit, I must reveal to you the tree that holds them, through what I call:

Letting it all land

It’s a very important practice, letting your yearly victories land. We so often do not acknowledge ourselves for our achievements, and what comes of that is that we have a step in our ladder missing. As we climb up the ladder that is our journey through life- whether it be within ourselves, with our family, our work- we must remember that we cannot scale two parallel rods. The triumphs we allow to land are the triumphs set into our ladder on which we may then step. 

The year has come to its final days; It’s time to wish 2013 arrivederci! and it’s time to also cash up on our lessons, experiences, feats, defeats and who we are, now having gone through it all. I believe many of us feel we have not won enough battles this year, feel we have inadequately lived this year. I’ll share with you all that I have many a moment where I shrink my existence into the value of a golf ball. 

There are days when I fall into a chasm of self-loathing –the equivalent of a solid kick from a Dock Martin. Days where I am horrified by my lack of knowledge of Einstein’s string theory, the absence of Simon and Garfunkel albums on my iPod and the non-existence of War and Peace on my bookshelf. Days where that incessant voice runs laps around my cranium, hollering at the top of its lungs, “Anthea, you are not doing enough! You haven’t read this book, watched that life-changing movie, practiced enough violin and composition, written enough writing pieces and poems, paid enough attention to your blog, seen this place, tried that out, done enough community service –um, hello? You want to be a humanitarian among other things. How are you ever going to realise your dreams, and how are you ever going to change the world if you are ignorant, sheltered and unproductive?” 

Eventually, the voice’s venomous words make me feel so flustered and anxious that I become a leaf in the middle of a ceaseless whirlpool, trapped in the spiralling tornado of H20, seeing no exit other than to be engulfed by the depths, never to surface again. Yet, amidst the stormy high seas of my cognitive coagulation, lies my Self beneath the surface, serene.
You are amazing, Anthea. Take a deep breath. You are amazing.

How do we not feel like we have amounted to nothing after an entire year of brilliant work? Well, we have to point out the brilliant work to ourselves! 

Which is exactly what I am going to do. This is a four (or five, possibly) part blog post series, and I greatly hope that you all will take from them ways to excel and go abundantly forward this 2014.